Finding Your Fit: Why One-Size-Fits-All Therapy Doesn't Work

"Just go to therapy!" You hear it all the time. While it comes from a good place, this advice often misses a big point: therapy isn't a magic pill that works the same for everyone. In fact, thinking of it that way can leave you feeling frustrated, like you've failed, or that "therapy just isn't for me."

But here's the truth: if a type of therapy hasn't felt right, it might not be about you or even the therapist. It could simply be a mismatch between what you need and the approach being used. Think of it like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole or choosing the wrong kind of workout for your fitness goals. Different problems often need different solutions.

Head-First or Heart-First? How Your Brain Likes to Heal

When it comes to therapy, many approaches can be grouped into two main styles: "top-down" (starting with your thoughts) and "bottom-up" (starting with your body and feelings). Neither is better than the other; they just tap into different ways your brain and body process experiences.

Top-Down Approaches: The Thinking & Talking Path

Imagine you're solving a puzzle by looking at the big picture first. Top-down therapy usually starts with your thoughts, beliefs, and conversations. It works its way "down" to how those thoughts make you feel in your body.

• What it looks like: You'll probably talk a lot, explore your thought patterns, identify beliefs you hold, and try to understand why you feel or act a certain way. The goal is often to gain insight and then figure out how to change your thinking or actions.

• What we use here:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): This isn't about getting rid of tough thoughts and feelings. Instead, it helps you change your relationship with them. You learn to focus on what truly matters to you (your values) and take action that aligns with those values, even when things are uncomfortable.

  • Psychodynamic Therapy: This approach looks at how your past experiences, especially early relationships, continue to quietly shape your current thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Understanding these old patterns can lead to deep, lasting change.

Who it might be a good fit for: If you're someone who likes to think things through, processes best by talking out loud, enjoys understanding things logically, or mostly struggles with overwhelming thought loops, a top-down approach might feel natural and effective for you.

Bottom-Up Approaches: The Body & Feeling Path

Now, imagine solving that puzzle by starting with small, specific pieces and building up. Bottom-up therapy starts with your body sensations and emotions, working its way "up" to your thoughts. This type of therapy understands that difficult experiences, especially trauma, often get "stuck" in your body and nervous system, beyond just words.

• What it looks like: While you'll still talk, a big part of the work might involve paying attention to physical feelings, using images in your mind, exploring emotions as they show up in your body, and accessing experiences that are hard to put into words. The aim is often to help your nervous system release old patterns or update old, ingrained emotional memories.

• What we use here:

  • Internal Family Systems (IFS): This powerful model helps you see your inner world as a collection of different "parts" (like your inner critic, your overwhelmed part, or parts that try to protect you). It's a very kind approach that helps you connect with your core "Self" (your calm, wise centre) to heal these inner parts. We often work with how these parts feel in your body and what they look like in your mind's eye.

  • Memory Reconsolidation / Coherence Therapy: These newer approaches specifically target how painful emotional memories are stored in your brain. Instead of just learning to cope with triggers, they help your brain actually update and lessen the emotional punch of upsetting memories, leading to lasting relief. This often involves noticing the "felt sense" of a memory in your body.

  • EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing): A well-researched therapy for trauma, EMDR helps your brain reprocess difficult memories so they feel less intense. It often uses side-to-side eye movements (or other similar actions) to help your brain naturally heal.

  • Imaginal Work / Visualisation: This involves using guided imagery and mental pictures to gain insights, process feelings, and create new inner experiences. It uses the strong link between your mind and body to help you heal.

• Who it might be a good fit for: If you've felt stuck in therapy even after talking a lot, experience physical symptoms of stress or anxiety (like tension, a racing heart, or numbness), or find it hard to put words to your deep pain, a bottom-up approach might offer the breakthrough you're looking for.

The Importance of "Meeting You Where You Are"

As therapists, our main goal isn't to force you into a specific therapy mould. It's to meet you where you are by understanding your unique life story, what you're struggling with right now, and how you naturally process information and feelings. This is why we don't stick to just one way of doing things. Instead, we use a mix of IFS, Psychodynamic, Memory Reconsolidation, and ACT to create a therapy plan that's just for you.

We'll work together to figure out if focusing on your thoughts and values (top-down) feels most helpful, or if exploring what's happening in your body and emotions (bottom-up) is the key to deeper healing. Often, a combination of both works best.

Signs You Might Need a Different Approach

If you've tried therapy before and felt like it "didn't work," here are some signs that it might have been a mismatch in approaches:

• You feel like you're talking in circles, but nothing truly changes.

• You understand your problems in your head, but the emotional or physical distress sticks around.

• You dread sessions because they feel repetitive or like they're not going anywhere.

• Your body feels tense or jumpy, even when your thoughts seem calm.

• You're looking for deeper, lasting shifts, not just quick fixes.

How to Find Your "Therapy Match"

Finding the right therapy fit is a journey, and it's perfectly okay to be picky. Here's how you can empower yourself:

1. Do a Little Research: Learn a bit about different therapy types. Does "parts" work sound interesting? Are you curious about how old memories can be "rewired"?

2. Ask Questions During Consultations: When you talk to a potential therapist, don't be shy! Ask them about the main types of therapy they use, how they work with issues like yours, and how they decide what approach is best for each client.

3. Trust Your Gut Feeling: Pay attention to how you feel when you're talking to a new therapist. Do you feel seen, heard, and understood? Does their approach sound like it could genuinely help you?

4. Be Patient, But Keep Trying: It might take trying a few different therapists or approaches to find what truly clicks for you. This isn't a sign of failure; it's just part of finding the right support for your unique healing journey.

   
   

Your journey to healing is unique, and you deserve a therapy approach that truly understands and honours that. Finding your fit means finding the path that opens the door to lasting change and helps you live a fuller, more authentic life.