Men's Mental Health: Breaking the Silence That Is Costing Lives

June is Men's Health Month — a time to shine a light on the health challenges that affect men, and in particular, the mental health challenges that too many men are navigating in silence. In Singapore, the numbers are stark. From 2019 to 2023, the number of suicides among men was significantly higher than among women. Boys are less likely to seek help than girls. And the barriers keeping men from accessing mental health support — cultural, structural, and deeply personal — remain largely unchanged.

At Parts of Us Counselling, we want to use this month to say something plainly: men's mental health matters. Not as a footnote to the broader mental health conversation, but as a distinct, serious, and often under-served area of care that deserves honest attention.

Why Men Struggle to Seek Help

The barriers to men seeking mental health support are well-documented and deeply structural. They are not simply a matter of individual reluctance — they reflect a set of cultural messages that many men have absorbed since childhood.

The 'man up' message. From early boyhood, many boys in Singapore and across SEA are socialised to suppress vulnerability. Tears are a sign of weakness. Stoicism is a virtue. Asking for help is an admission of failure. These messages do not disappear in adulthood — they shape how men relate to their own emotional experience, often for a lifetime.

Fear of being seen differently. Many men fear that disclosing mental health struggles will change how they are perceived — by employers, by partners, by family. In a face-conscious culture, this fear is not abstract. It is a real calculation about social and professional cost.

Not recognising the symptoms. Depression and anxiety in men often present differently than in women — and many men do not recognise what they are experiencing as a mental health issue. They may attribute it to stress, a difficult patch, or simply feeling a bit off. By the time something is clearly wrong, it has often been brewing for a long time.

The services weren't designed for them. Mental health services have historically been more accessible to, and more actively sought by, women. The language, the formats, and sometimes the practitioners themselves can feel like they are not designed with men in mind.

What Depression and Anxiety Look Like in Men

Male depression is frequently underdiagnosed because it often does not look the way depression is typically depicted. Rather than overt sadness and tearfulness, men's depression more commonly shows up as:

• Irritability, anger, or aggression — being short-tempered without fully understanding why

• Withdrawal — pulling back from relationships, hobbies, and things that once mattered

• Overworking — burying themselves in productivity as a way of avoiding what they are feeling

• Risk-taking — physical risk, financial risk, or increasingly intense exercise

• Increased use of alcohol or substances to dull emotional experience

• Physical symptoms without a clear medical cause — back pain, headaches, fatigue, digestive issues

• Loss of interest in sex, connection, or things they previously enjoyed

  The face of male depression is not always grief. It is often anger, withdrawal, and the relentless effort to appear fine.

Male anxiety, similarly, often shows up as hypervigilance, perfectionism, irritability, and an inability to switch off — rather than the worry and tearfulness more commonly associated with anxiety in women. The result is that many men — and the people around them — do not recognise what they are experiencing as depression or anxiety until it has significantly affected their lives.

The Cost of Staying Silent

When men do not seek help, the consequences can be severe. Untreated depression and anxiety affect relationships, career functioning, physical health, and, at the extreme end, risk of suicide. In Singapore, research from AWARE has highlighted that boys are increasingly at risk and that unresolved mental health difficulties in men can contribute to harmful behaviours, including interpersonal violence.

This is not about blame. It is about recognising that a culture that teaches men not to feel is a culture that puts men at risk — and the people around them too.

What Actually Helps

The evidence on what supports men's mental health points consistently to a few key things:

Reframing help-seeking as strength. For many men, the shift that makes the difference is reframing the act of seeking support — not as admitting defeat, but as taking purposeful action. Addressing a problem head-on is something that aligns with how many men understand strength, and the conversation changes when it is framed that way.

Finding the right entry point. For some men, a direct path to therapy works. For others, it might start with a GP visit, a conversation with a trusted friend, or a structured workplace wellbeing programme. The door to support does not have to be a therapist's office.

Therapists who understand male experience. Therapy works best when it is adapted to the individual — including the ways in which gender shapes emotional experience, communication style, and what feels safe to say.

Community and peer connection. Men who have shared experiences of struggle and recovery are some of the most powerful advocates for men's mental health. Peer communities — whether formal or informal — can reduce the isolation that makes mental health difficulties worse.

If You Are a Man Reading This

You do not have to be in crisis to benefit from support. You do not need a dramatic breakdown or a clinical diagnosis. The persistent sense that something is not right — that you are running on empty, that you are more irritable than you want to be, that you are not enjoying things the way you used to — is enough of a reason to reach out.

And if you are someone who loves a man who is struggling: ask the real question. Not 'are you okay?' but 'how are you actually doing?' And then stay for the answer.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is therapy just for people in crisis? No. Many people — including many men — engage in therapy during ordinary life challenges: work stress, relationship difficulties, and major life transitions. You do not have to be at breaking point to benefit.

What if I don't want to talk about my feelings? Good therapy does not require you to arrive with everything articulated. A skilled therapist will work with where you are including if that is 'I don't really know why I'm here.'

Are there men-specific services in Singapore? There is no dedicated men's mental health service in Singapore, but many practitioners and clinics offer therapy that is sensitive to male experience. Your GP is a good first point of contact.

What should I do if I'm worried about a man I care about? Name what you are noticing, specifically. 'You've seemed really withdrawn lately, and I'm wondering if you're okay.' Make it easy for him to talk — and make clear you are not going anywhere if he does.

Men's Mental Health Month is a reminder that the silence is not sustainable — and that changing it starts with one conversation. → At Parts of Us Counselling, we work with men navigating stress, anxiety, depression, and the weight of what is expected of them. Reach out to find out more.