Unpacking "Parts of Us": A Deep Dive into Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Parts of Us
Jul 16, 2025
4 min read

Have You Ever Felt Like Different "Parts" of You Are Pulling in Different Directions?

Sometimes, it feels like there are different voices in our head – one pushing us to achieve, another wanting to rest, and perhaps a third holding onto old hurts. At "Parts of Us," our name reflects a powerful truth: we are made up of many different "parts." This idea is at the heart of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a compassionate and transformative approach that has profoundly shaped our practice.

Join us on a journey into the world of IFS, where we'll explore its origins, core ideas, and how understanding your inner "family" can lead to profound healing and lasting well-being.

The Visionary Behind IFS: Dr. Richard C. Schwartz

The foundation of IFS was laid in the 1980s by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, a family therapist who noticed a fascinating pattern in his clients. He observed that people often described their thoughts, feelings, and impulses as distinct "parts" within them. These weren't symptoms to be suppressed, but rather unique facets of their inner world, each with its own intentions.

Inspired by family therapy principles and mindfulness, Dr. Schwartz developed IFS as a way to understand and work with these internal dynamics. His core insight? That just like a family, our inner world is a system where different parts play unique roles, often trying their best to protect us. This groundbreaking perspective offered a new, gentler path to healing emotional wounds, deepening self-awareness, and fostering personal growth. Today, IFS is a widely respected and evolving therapy, offering a truly compassionate way to navigate your inner landscape.

The Heart of IFS: Understanding Your Inner "Parts"

At the core of IFS lies the concept of "parts" – not in a literal, multiple-personality sense, but as distinct facets of our inner selves, each with its own unique thoughts, emotions, and motivations. IFS suggests that every part, no matter how challenging its behaviour, has a positive intention for us. The ultimate goal of IFS therapy is to cultivate a harmonious, collaborative relationship among these parts, leading to greater self-leadership and inner peace.

Let's meet the three main types of "parts" in the IFS model: Protectors (Managers and Firefighters), Exiles, and the Self.

Protectors: Your Inner Guardians

Protectors are parts that work tirelessly to keep us safe from emotional pain. They developed their roles in response to past experiences and believe they are helping us survive. They fall into two main categories:

Managers: These are the proactive planners, organisers, and controllers. They try to keep us safe by preventing uncomfortable feelings or situations from arising in the first place.
- Think of them as: The part that always pushes you to be a perfectionist to avoid criticism, or the part that constantly makes you overachieve in your career to prevent any perceived failure. They want to keep things under control.
Firefighters: These parts react impulsively when distress does surface. They spring into action to extinguish emotional pain quickly, often through immediate, sometimes unhealthy, coping mechanisms.
- Think of them as: The part that urges you to scroll endlessly on social media when you feel lonely, or the part that might turn to overeating or substance use to numb intense emotions. Their goal is rapid relief, even if temporary.

Exiles: The Wounded Ones Within

Exiles are the tender, vulnerable parts of us that carry the burden of unresolved wounds, painful memories, and unmet needs from the past. These are often experiences we found overwhelming or traumatic. Our Protective parts developed to "exile" these painful feelings from our conscious awareness, believing they are shielding us from being overwhelmed by their distress.

Think of them as: The part that still feels the sting of a childhood rejection, leading to lingering feelings of unworthiness or a fear of forming close relationships as an adult. They hold the deep emotional pain.

The Self: Your Inner Core of Wisdom & Compassion

At the very heart of the IFS model is the Self – the essence of who you truly are. The Self is inherently wise, compassionate, curious, calm, and courageous. It is the unburdened core of your being, always present, always whole.

Think of it as: Your inner compass, your natural leader. When you connect with your Self, you can approach all your "parts" with understanding, empathy, and acceptance, rather than judgment or fear. The Self is the steady presence amidst the multifaceted dynamics of your internal landscape.

A diagram to show the different parts based on the IFS model.

How IFS Therapy Works at Parts of Us: Cultivating Inner Harmony

In IFS therapy, our journey together aims to cultivate a harmonious and cooperative relationship among all these inner components.

Connecting with Your Self: We begin by helping you access your inherent Self-energy. From this calm, curious, and compassionate place, you can truly connect with your parts without judgment.
Befriending Protectors: Rather than trying to get rid of Protective parts (which often backfires!), we learn to understand their positive intentions. When Protectors feel seen and appreciated for their efforts, they can begin to relax their extreme roles.
Unburdening Exiles: With the Protectors' permission and the Self's guidance, we gently approach the Exiled parts. In this safe space, these wounded parts can finally express their pain, be witnessed, and receive the compassion and care they've always needed. This process helps to "unburden" them, releasing the pain they've carried for so long.
Reintegrating Your System: As Exiles heal and Protectors transform their roles, your inner system becomes more integrated and balanced. You'll experience more inner peace, clarity, and the ability to lead your life from your authentic Self.

"Parts of Us": Our Commitment to Your Inner Journey

Our practice, "Parts of Us," is built on the profound principles of IFS. We believe everyone has an innate capacity for healing and self-leadership. By understanding and embracing your unique inner "family," you can move from feeling fragmented to feeling whole, from inner conflict to inner peace. We are here to guide you with compassion and expertise every step of the way.

Ready to explore your own inner world?